Good morning, children. Let us begin by stipulating that no one enjoys paying taxes.
[surly voice from Montana]
Indeed, and that is why the point is being stipulated. We will not waste time in further discussion. Let us also stipulate that a popular topic of conversation in this country is the suspicion that tax revenues are unfairly collected. Mr. X, for example, may feel that he is overtaxed and that Ms. Y is undertaxed. Ms. Y's opinion may well be that Mr. X does not pay nearly enough in taxes. These differences of opinion have existed since the felicitous concept of raising funds by taxing citizens first occurred to Zog, the chieftain of the Cave People.
[voice from Missouri, showing faint spark of interest]
Yes, we will refer to Zog as Mr. Z if you like. Again, this concept is stipulated, and we will not discuss the tax issues of Mr. X, Ms. Y, and Mr. Z, nor will we enter into an evaluation of the tax code ourselves.
The topic today is not the fairness or unfairness of the current tax code. As always, our topic is a linguistic one: the definition of the word hero.
[drowsy voice from California]
No, we will not be screening The Dark Knight. However, if you feel that this film will help you elucidate the definition of hero, you may allude to it. Please give me a definition of the word.
[several voices]
Quiet, please. You may not use the word like in your definition.
[voice from Connecticut]
I do not dispute that Dr. King was a hero, but that is an example, not a definition.
[voice from South Carolina]
I am not familiar with the achievements of Green Lantern, but again, this is an example. Very well, open your dictionaries to the word hero. Please note that we can trace the word through Latin to Greek to the Proto-Indo-European base *ser.
[surly voice from Montana]
Certainly I am aware of the difference between s and h. If you have completed the assigned reading on sound shifts from Proto-Indo-European, you are aware of their relationship. I will not waste class time by reading your assignment aloud to you.
We see, then that the word hero is etymologically related to the word serve. Perhaps you can now explain the relationship of these words by alluding to the accomplishments of Dr. King, or, if you wish, Green Lantern.
[voices from Connecticut and South Carolina]
Thank you. Now let us narrow the discussion somewhat by connecting the term hero to the stipulated points regarding taxes. Please explain what the role of a hero would be in relationship to taxes.
[surly voice from Montana]
I see. And how would the abolition of all taxes serve the citizens? Is there any way in which taxes benefit citizens of a country or community?
[several voices]
Thank you. You have mentioned public education, the creation and maintenance of roads and bridges, police and fire protection, the tracking of epidemics (an interesting point), enforcement of the recall of defective products (with a rather bitter reference to Toyota), unemployment benefits, Social Security, and a few more. Now, you from Montana, are you suggesting that the abolition of taxes and therefore the abolition of these and other services, would result in better lives for the citizens?
[surly voice from Montana, interrupted by various other voices, particularly from South Carolina and Philadelphia]
I see. You wish to abolish all taxes that do not directly benefit the individual taxpayer, then. Your example is a common one: those who do not have school-age children should not pay taxes that provide public schools. Let us examine that theory carefully, since it is so often brought forward as an argument. Can we agree that taxing all citizens, regardless of the existence of progeny, provides more money for public schools in the community? Can we also agree that, since school systems must pay salaries and utility bills and provide supplies such as books and laboratory equipment, that larger amounts of money would make available a more comfortable environment, more and better supplies and possibly more highly qualified staff? What would the logical outcome be?
[voice from Missouri]
You feel, then, that more money can provide a better education? Do you have any actual evidence for this opinion?
[voice from Missouri, citing correlation between per-household income and school rankings as shown in U.S. News and World Report]
Thank you very much. I am pleased that you have researched the topic. Now that we have established the fact that wealthier school districts do, in general, provide better education, let us return to the question of cui bono -- who benefits?
[voice from Missouri]
An interesting theory, and one that will be discussed further. Your short essay topic for tonight is "In what way might an educated population benefit society as a whole?" Let us return for the moment, though, to the principles of our friend from Montana. He has somewhat modified his proposal to abolish all taxes to abolishing only those that do not directly benefit the individual taxpayer.
[several voices]
One at a time, please. Yes, from South Carolina -- and please do not mention Green Lantern.
[voice from South Carolina]
Do I understand you to say that it is not possible to determine cui bono in the case of taxes? Or that, in fact, nemini bono, no one benefits from the abolition of taxes?
[surly voice from Montana]
As we stipulated at the outset, we will not enter into the diversion of tax expenditures that seem inappropriate to you, so we will not discuss academic studies of fruit flies or teapot museum funding. As a matter of fact, I am quite fond of teapots, but that is neither here nor there.
Your weekly essay assignment is the following: "Can someone who advocates or uses violence to protest taxation be a hero?" Please be sure that you support your thesis with facts and examples. Essays are due on Friday, February 26.
